the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
