I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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