Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the condom got lost in my hair
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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