i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
