What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
