I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize