You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
