What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I can't put those talents on a resume
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize