I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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