He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
