Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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