just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize