Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
