he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
