Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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