my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
