I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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