Umm I'm too high to move.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
