I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
