I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
