How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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