clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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