Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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