Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize