i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
