If that was your dad, he is hot
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you had me at cake vodka
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
