I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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