They should really pass out barf bags in church
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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