I just cut my nipple shaving
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
ok first of all what the fuck
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
