I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
