Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
