Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
