I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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