yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
