RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
