I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
