Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i love accidental penises.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
