This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I love having hate sex.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
