please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
