At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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