first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize