im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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