I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
