Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
