I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
