sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
