i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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