Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
