Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
