i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my shit smells like andre
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
