if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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