Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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