You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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