I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
