I hate all girls vehemently.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
