YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I love you. Go after that dick
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
