so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
