And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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