dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
