I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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