I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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