Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
