Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I am in a vortex of obligation.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
