Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
