Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
