between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
