Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize